In truth, I know not that mine own poor exploits warrant me a place amongst the noble sufferers of this august order, yet I shall place them before thee for judgement more proper than mine own. Some years past, I endeavored to grant mine coworkers a most valued service, that of proof positive and most exemplary example, that they might learn from it and be warded 'gainst foolishness and suffering the future. In this purpose, I did gallantly bend and lift from my back some thirty pounds of books to a shelf, and furthermore sent up a most piteous sound that my pains should not be overlooked by those I sought to educate. In this self-sacrificing manner, I didst ensure that not one amongst those gathered there shall ever fail to lift, as stated in the wisdom handed down from upon high, from the knees. Surely, I suffered; but I took consolation that my purpose had been achieved, and also that I had been provided with enough codeine to believe that mine arms were as wings that would carry my up to heaven, there to eat the bright and golden gumball that is our sun.
This tale, I bring to you; judge as thou woudst.